got so many things on my mind lately, tapi since blogger is so hard to get into, ngepost apapun jadi lama dan tambah males.

first of all, i just realized that my mom knows little about me. dalam arti, what i like, what i'm good at, what i enjoy to do the most, those sort of things lah. tp klo ade gw, she's really fast in defining her talents and abilities. therefore, sometimes i wonder. in every time that she said i wasn't good at something, does she really took time to observe, aknowledge, listen, hear, anything that i've done? i wont say never, mungkin sangat jarang.

second, memikirkan kalau gw jauh dri apa yang diinginkan ari as a partner, sangat menyedihkan hati. his ex is home for end of year holiday or whatever. and entahlah, i'm not actually the sort of person who give too much considerations over someones past memories with anybody. tapi sama ari, i just feel insecure. padahal itu hal yg paling gw khawatirkan. i want to be with someone who can guarantee that my self secure stay in its place. instead, sekarang, i'm stuck with the idea of feeling jealous over memories. it tortures my mind. it intervene with my self-worth. i dont really like the situation.
the other night, ari bilang klo keluarganya baru aja pergi makan malem with his ex. then another negative thought hit me. his family must have really like her. not to mention his sisters. and how about me? not a chance. they're nice, i have to admit. but having your boyfriend's family having dinner with his ex?! sounds so ridiculous!!!

what happens then is somewhat confusing me. dengan teman2 semua pergi tahun baruan ke bali, i'm left to solve all my problems all alone. with no one to talk too. no one to share my feelings with. i definitely cant talk to ari. takut dia akan merasa i'm such a whiny person. complaining about situations all the time, especially about his ex.
about my mom?! it should be buried like burring a dead body. you can never speak about it again.

then how can i let go this burden?!